Manimadness aftermath

Yeah, it's been a while, I know. Shout out to Elinor, partially coz I can, and partially coz I said I would in my next blog post (whenever that would be >.>).


Okay, so this particular post is mainly a way for me to get out of answering the "How was Manifest?" question that I'm going to be asked by everyone I've ever met. This way, I can just link, or perhaps copy and paste parts of the text if I don't wanna be TOO lazy.

FRIDAY
Went into the city in my Conrad cosplay, met up with Jenni in her Lulu cosplay on the way. We trained it to Melbourne Showgrounds (yay @ Metro for doing something actually convenient for once) and met up with some people as we did some shopping in the Traders' Hall (or in my case, a whole lot of purchasing fan art...gotta love the bishies~, and Ranna gave me a pair of long-furred black neko ears :3) and watched the Fruits fashion show. It's effectively a contest where people who either made or purchased clothes ranging dramatically in style from Steampunk to Gothic Lolita to RAINBOW MAN show off what they're wearing and the audience gets to see the pretty. Truly awesome guy from the past few years didn't participate this year =\ I was looking forward to seeing more cool things like his Draconic outfits. I wasn't disappointed with the other regular contestant, Ash, however, as like last year she presented a Steampunk outfit featuring wings this year, looking more steampunky but less intricate than the steampunk bustle dress from last year...both awesome :3 There was a girl in an Optimus Prime themed dress this year. Funny. As. Hell. Hope I can find a pic of that soon.

At the back of the Traders' Hall was the giant Gundam 'Infinite Injustice' built out of pocky boxes, constructed by various awesome members of the Anime club. Definitely regret not being able to help out with that this year. Maybe next year?

Not much else happened Friday, and Halfling, Eloise and I went to Good Games for the weekly rp. I'll be honest; I found the night frustrating more than anything.


SATURDAY
Had to get to Manifest early so we could cheer on JonJon and May in Anime Idol. The first contestant...simply blew me away. Insta-crush, right there. Sings, plays guitar, can draw, can dance, likes K-Pop, and IS PRETTY. Nuff said. I want.
Anyway, we had to put up with three Anime idol hosts this year. The original girl who has been hosting for a few years now, despite constantly saying "So why dijoo chooze your sooooooong?" hasn't been vanquished yet, much to my astonishment. Seriously, what? Boring guy who danced a fair bit a few years ago that reminds me of Steve Dean but brainless was there too. I couldn't help but make retorts to almost all of his statements that the nearby audience could hear, and Halfling suggested I try and be a Host or counter-host next year, because then the host side of things wouldn't suck. Gotta say, the idea had some appeal. Kit, the former Bumblebee girl was also a host this year. Didn't mind that at all; she doesn't have many fans amongst my friends, but she's earned my respect due to her singing and enthusiasm.

Right after Idol (JonJon got through to the finals, btw) was the Saturday Dantai performance. We had some pretty serious technical difficulties in relation to the sound system...*glares at the lack of one provided by MCAC* but after making use of Jeremy's laptop (lifesaver <3)>

Don't really remember much else about Saturday, other than waiting in the 'AMV Happy Hour' room for the following Little Kuriboh Q & A (I got my manifest pass signed by him earlier that morning <3)>

SUNDAY
Anime Idol was at 11:30 today, meaning I had a chance to kinda sleep in at Halfling's place, and had icecream for brekky :3. We went to Manifest, had some more food and ran into Timay (a friend studying Fashion design at Tafe, makes almost all of his clothes, and cosplayed as a VERY hot Roxas a couple of years in a row~) and some of his other friends ^^. Bought a necklace/choker thingy with ribbon and a bell on it for Nekochan's birthday, and eventually went to Anime idol. ...No guitar today, but still...wow...<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3>

Not much to say other than that, so please leeave comments and keep nudging me to post more often <3

Luffles Phe~

~^w^~

Hey guys~ Exams are over, I don't need to wake up at 6:30 every morning, and I had the candy dream last night :3 Things are whimsically pleasant :P What the hell is the "candy dream" you wonder? Occasionally (between every few months to every few years), when my sugar consumption is rather lower than my tastebuds wish it to be, I have what I call the candy dream. Walking around a massive supermarket which sells only bulk buy confestionery. My favourite part of the store is, of course, the substitute of the fruit section, where there's just tables and tables of Pick and mix candy. SO MANY GUMMY BEARS~~~ It was so much fun, and reminded me of lollies I had almost forgotten existed. Looks like I'll be dropping by Sugar station tonight on my way to the city :3

There's honestly not much more to say; you can clearly see what's on my mind xD and apparently there's nothing else. Bye peeople~ <3

Morbid blog post is morbid

It's getting harder. I admit it, okay? It's just getting more difficult to wake up, almost as difficult as getting to sleep. Dreams; if I had the capacity to remember such surreal and pleasurable moments I don't think I would have insomnia. But when they happen, they torture me by flitting away from my memory, the refraction of light on a single dot of glitter that you just can't find to get off your face, but it's always there in your periphery and can't be shaken. I'm trying to write a fanfic right now for Manifest, and all it's doing is rubbing my face in unattainable fantasy, shouting with tangible intensity, "This isn't your life, Phe! It never will be! You're alone! You create and then observe our happiness, our certain moments of ecstasy and contentment, but you can't have them for your own!" Writing about my favourite characters and their relationships is a cake with savoury, runny icing. I pour a bit of myself into the fiction, and it's the characters that get to live through it. I've been a bystander all my life, so whilst I'm used to it, I still know what I'm missing; call it instinctive racial memory if not perceptive observation. I've been the third wheel--worse, the fifth wheel--in so many instances that I may never need to get my tyres checked ever again. I feel both rotten and a little happy, the latter because many of these relationships I've witness I also helped to blossom. I'm just worried that I get more enjoyment out of seeing others happy, smiling, and caring, not because bringing joy and love to others is a wondrous thing, but because the dreadful belief that it won't happen for me is always weighing me down. A wracking, dry cough that continually lingers. Melodrama? I'm a Literature student, and worse, a roleplayer, so I have no idea if I am blowing things way out of proportion or if I have stumbled upon the clarity of mind that allows me to realise fact. Feeble attempts I have made, but that seems to be all I've got. How do you improve when you're already trying your hardest? If you're crippled with fear and have managed to somehow convince yourself that you'll always be alone? Happiness exists for some; I've seen it. But for all? I'm always going to be that friendly but pensive and strange guy that people will either know or vaguely remember, the guy who was always by himself, apart from the others.
...Wow, if what I just wrote doesn't sound like petty, self-aggrandised martyrdom bullshit, then perhaps I don't deserve to be shot...
I'm sorry for being so gloomy; I'm usually sorry for a lot of things, even if it's just a meaningless phrase intended to placate or relieve others. Everyone else is of paramount importance. I've always known and firmly believed that, and hopefully will retain this opinion. Alas, I haven't been able to act on this belief enough; so many friends who I haven't been able to comfort as a result of distance or time. And worse, what about the people who don't even let me inside, who are struggling whilst I am too densely ignorant to be of any use (no matter how small) to give solace or hugging warmth to? I have found that this hurts approximately just as much as the loneliness issue.

I try my hardest to be honest and accepting (if not open >_>), but there are so many billions of extraneous variables that we all encounter every minute of every damned day that sometimes I conclude that retreating to the beloved characters of fiction is worth the wounds such an act inflicts.

/emo post of abandoned hope

Neeeeeeee

Heyas. It's been just over a week since I last posted, so I figure why not? Especially seeing as I definitely shouldn't be using up study time blogging right now xD.

This week I'll be preoccupied with four things:
1) Japanese Speaking Test tomorrow. I'll be talking about my future dreams and aspirations, which hopefully won't go down too badly...assuming I figure out what my dreams are exactly tomorrow morning before I go to the test. Fortunately, the test isn't worth much of the final grade.
2) Wednesday morning I have a History exam. I've gotta study about 63 questions, and figure out what I would say in about 250 words for each of them. Only 10 of them will appear on the test, but I don't know which ones =\. This one's worth a significant portion of the final mark, and DOES have me worried...
3) Wednesday arvo I have to hand in a hard copy of a Wikipedia entry I have to write on The Man of Feeling, and I'm worried about this solely because I'm unsure if I have enough time to prep for the exams and still get this done...
4) Thursday I have my final exam for that english subject which is supposed to be an "introduction" to literary theory but is in no way a simple "introduction". >.<>purely because I have the questions already. Phew...

The past weekend was both good and horrid; the former being yesterday, seeing amusing Tokugawa Bakufu ninja film with pretty shinobi (*swoon* :P) with Amy, Nicole, Rob, and Ash, followed by getting ichipan~ (oh, I've missed that so very freaking much <3)...and>isn't. What's up with that? Japanese teachers should be doing a lot more to educate their students, methinks. Also, I wanna do more high school Japanese tutoring; it's fun :3

Today however was not a happy day for Phe. Not too much reason; just the standard melancholy combined with the impression that people don't want me around. Maybe I'll get over it, or maybe I'll take a hint? O_o?

Anyways, omedetou once again to Sebby, and see yas next week mebbe.

>.>

I have absolutely no time for this, which is prolly the exact reason as to why I am blogging :P

Not sure if there's much positive stuff to recount from the past week or two...Let's have a looky, ne?

-> Had to give a tutorial presentation on an article about textual/political theory that I didn't (and still don't) quite understand...luckily a friend who used to rp with Halfling and I is doing his Masters (or something like that) on the guy that the writer of my article blatantly copied, so he was able to explain stuff to me. THANKYOU SO VERY FREAKING MUCH DAVE! I WOULD HAVE FAILED WITHOUT YOU. And I don't just mean the presentation >.> This subject is looking to be the only one I'll ever come close to failing...

In the coming two weeks I have:
Monday/tomorrow- Japanese Listening Test (unprepared for)
Wednesday- Japanese myth vs. Greek myth History essay due (haven't started, although I have heaps...possibly too many...sources.)
Thursday- GMing 七人の侍 session in L5R (unprepared for, although I admit this is fun and I look forward to it)
Friday- Literature essay/wikipedia entry on The Man of Feeling is due. (unprepared for...still reading the book despite its brevity, and I'll be asking for an extension because I haven't technically been handed the assignment yet)
Saturday/Sunday (unsure which)- tutoring Isabel in Japanese. Okay, so this one should be a lot of fun :3 But the point is, it is still work, and that cuts into assignment/exam prep, I guess.
Tuesday- Japanese Speaking Test, about my dreams and plans for the future...might have to prep for that sometime soon, ne...
Thursday- final exam for that English subject on theory which I'm liable to fail...>.>

And what am I doing right now? Writing a freaking blog. Don't make me go back to assignment writing and test prepping...please?

Aside from academia destroying my already frail psyche, all I can really say other than "YAY! WAFERS~~~<3">
Oh, and I now know GG guy's name, although I kinda wish I didn't >.<

Something positive from bouncy, optimistic Phe? Not this week, guys. Not this week.

I'll level with ya

Heyas. I get told every so often to update because I don't do it enough...my ultimate response is that I get practically no comments; how do I know that writing this stuff is worthwhile if I'm not even sure my friends are reading it?


I guess I need to backlog due to my absence of posting, ne? In the month (yeah, okay, it HAS been a while...>.>) since I last posted, there's been:

-Canberra trip
-my bday
-a whole lot of GMing (as always)
-a bit of rping (very, VERY rare these days T_T)
-a particularly crappy Lit midsem test
-all the standard さびしい思い that is always so prevalent in my life anyway
-a trip to the Dentist

Yeah, that looks about right. Let's go backwards and insert some Benny Hill chase music to make it seem like the past month has been heaps of fun~~~

The dentist appointment was yesterday. Walked in, sat down, made a comment about the poster of a tropical beach attached to the roof, pointed out the hole in the side of my top, farthest back molar which has had me fretting like crazy since I stumbled upon its existence a few weeks ago, and then closed my eyes so I wouldn't see the big damn needle. Yes, my gum was supposedly numbed with gel stuff first, but that didn't help me get over the feeling of a needle invading and then lingering in one place for about a minute...This was when なんとかなるさ started playing in my mind, and I LATCHED ONTO IT AS STRONGLY AS A SUGAR ADDICT WITH A VERY SHORT ATTENTION SPAN CAN. Does anyone else hate how there are two different kinds of drills that get used on ya when getting a filling? The smaller high-pitched drill doesn't feel too bad, but the noise itself conjures images in your mind of what it must be doing, and the low-pitched jackhammer (it might as well be one) drill doesn't sound intimidating BUT OH WAIT IT IS. You can feel the big one annihilating your tooth and it hammers out any thoughts in your head other than "Oh god there's a something attacking my mouth!"...It seems I had more resolve than I thought I possibly could; NEWS, specifically, Massu, got me through that ordeal (yes, I consider 'ordeal' to be the perfect word in this instance). It helped that the chorus was repetitive and the message of the song is positive. I eventually walked out of the Dentist's practice still intact, with a filling and an increased fear of dental surgery.

Hmm, さびしい思い... There's not much in the way of anything specific and not broad/general in regards to this. Haven't seen Ed since, nor really talked to him at all, and I've simply continued onwards with nobody interested in me :D (-_-;;)

Ah, it looks like it's time for Phe to get angry =\ One of my two English subjects for this semester (enjoying neither; one is above me, and the other is simply boring, unfortunately) is coordinated by a man who is an average lecturer, an arbitrary rule maker, and worst of all, a hard marker =\. This frustrates me to no end...He didn't prepare us satisfactorily for our midsem test, and once it was over, decided to change the value of various questions on the already completed tests, playing at mathematics and conjuring up a spiffy bell curve for himself (congratulations on your irrational liking of maths, LITERATURE PROFESSOR. Good one~). >.> okay, I'll try and get over that for now...

Tsugi wa...rping in general :3 Squee~ Having been GMing for this past semester, I've really, sincerely missed roleplaying...So many elves have been thought into existence and then starved to death from lack of eccentric behavioural episodes. A very sad thing, when you realise I love elves even more than I love Massu (which, btw, is starting to become an exceptionally unhealthy obsession, imo). However! I convinced Tom with little effort to start running a game Friday nights; Warhammer Fantasy sees the return of the pansy elf (私) and the halfling (funnily enough, Halfling), with the addition of the graverobber (Amy :3), "the other elf" (Tiffy :3) and the drunk hobbit known as Falcin Dibbley-Firgin (my little brother :3). I've missed this so very much...made me feel a little bit like Phe again, being able to act out an elf~~~~^o^~~~~
The GMing of my samurai game is going fairly well too, I guess; haven't been able to prep much of anything for the players this past week or for the next two weeks, probably, due to assessments...But regardless, I'm happy, because most of my favourites NPCs--canon and otherwise--have made it into the weekly sessions :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Oh yeah, I had a birthday this year, didn't I? It was fun because it was relaxing...and also because people kept telling me to eat their food~~~~ I luffles everybody who was able to make it, btw ^w^ There were great people, there was great food, and I was even given great presents from everyone <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 (...there should be 20 there). There were cakes, pandas, drinks, strawberries, tigers, dragon eggs, and there was even porn (xP)~~~ Seeing as I might not be in the country next year for my 21st, I relly appreciate being able to celebrate this one with people who are actually important to me :3

Unless I have some sensational moment of inspiration, the last thing to mention in this update is how Canberra went ^_^. The buses by night were amusing if only because my travelling companion sneezed loudly throughout the night (I tend not to be able to sleep while moving anyway)...I guess it was a combination of a cold+LOUDNESS! xD Sorry fellow passengers...it just amused me to see some of you jump >.>
Canberra itself was great; we got picked up by the birthday girl nice and early on her own birthday, got to her house, everyone tried to sleep but I was prevented from doing so by the only kitty living in that house (there's a good handful of them) that I DIDN'T immediately dislike~ Over that weekend there was a bear hunt, a clothesline pinata bashing fiesta, good food, caring people, formal panda, singstar, a little bit of crying, and a bunch of other things I cannae think of. Thanks Liz :3 One of the highlights was the unspoken making up with Leafy; last time we saw each other I didn't realise it but she was offended by me not paying any attention to her, and since then there's been the Gaia guild falling out which certainly made me resent her. This time we kinda started out ignoring each other's presence and comments to others nearby, until finally we warmed to each other again and worked on being friends again :3 I'm glad I had the opportunity to go back up there ^_^_^_^_^


Nope, no more inspiration nor other things of note forming in my head. Let me leave ya this time with a glomp as well as a stern warning to comment on my blog posts or I won't continue writing them ever :P
~Phe

Osokattara...

^_^ Heyas~ Yes, this is like a week and a half late, but I had nothing at all to post last week...twas an uneventful 7 days, methinks. At least I have a little to write about this week? Maybe? Well, we'll see.

I'm holding a picnic birthday for myself :D:D:D I wonder if it'll fail, but we shall see, ne~~~ Jells Park, on my actual birthday, with friends from anime club, korner, high school, and possibly even a few other areas of life :3 The only problem is I suck at organising events where everyone kinda needs to bring something; I'm not as gifted as Celiney, after all! Still need ideas for what to do at the bbq picnic thingy, but at least I did decide on an optional dress theme :P If I'm honest, I prolly need help with this, though. Got assignments to get done asap, will be in another state for the 4 or so days before the event itself, and probably can't even manage to purchase the discounted post-Easter choccy =\ Maybe blind optimism isn't the way to go here...

I can has had haircut! SQUEE! Both Seb and I were incredibly nervous during the haircut...initially I looked way too eerily similar to a certain someone we both dislike, and it got to the point where Seb had to go sit down elsewhere xD But it was a miracle! That hairdresser is amazingly talented :3 Made me look far better than either Seb or I thought possible~ (Now I just fail at replicating the hairstyle =\) Seemed liked a cross between my two favourite people in existence (Massu<3<3<3<3<3<3<3>

Decided to do what I didn't wanna do last night, and had the talk with Ed on MSN. Took a lot out of me, but he accepted it. Talked again with him today...everything seemed kinda back to normal, and I was constantly reminded why I like him xD It's all too possible something casual might come out of all this...we'll see, ne :P

I've bothered you all long enough, and I've certainly procrastinated more than enough over the past few days. Time to actually do that assignment so I can get on with the rest of the week, prep for Canberra, and prep for my bday :3

Oyasumi~